Unicorns Do Exist – Five Ways to Overcome Mom's Guilt

Can women really have it all? And what does “have it all” mean? We know it's possible to have a successful career and a fulfilling family life but, finding a balance can be tricky.

Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, is married with four children. However, Sara is the exception of women entrepreneurs, not necessarily the norm. For moms starting their businesses and growing their families – that s%*t is f*$$%%g hard. There's no sugarcoating it. 

This isn't a new concept. However, the desire for a better work/life balance can drive women to start their own businesses so they can work from home and have more control over their work hours. However, even as an entrepreneur, especially in CPG, you might have to be away from your children for trade shows, conferences, co-packer visits, retail pitches, etc. 

Even with the flexibility entrepreneurship offers ,you might still get a serious case of mom guilt every time you head out for a business trip.

Some therapists define mom's guilt as feelings of guilt mothers experience that relates to their role as a mother and their ability to meet their children's needs. 

According to the ChoosingTherapy website, "despite research studies and terminology frequently referencing mothers or moms, guilt has the potential to extend to all parents and caregivers of children. Mothers are often the ones that society holds to higher standards; therefore, the feelings of guilt tend to be more common among women." 

A recent LinkedIn post reassured us that it's ok for us to leave our kids for work. That it doesn't make us bad mothers. 

Sara Orrick wrote about leaving her two toddler children for the first time to attend a conference in Denver. She prepared them before explaining why she was going, what she would be doing, and promising to bring back gifts. Her daughter asked explicitly for a unicorn. Daily, Sadie, Sara's daughter, would ask about her unicorn, and Sara would have nothing new to report. 

Towards the end of the event, Sara was desperate to find any unicorn in the Mile High City. While talking to a fellow attendee, she mentioned Sadie's request and said she would have a very disappointed daughter if the mission wasn't accomplished. 

The attendee rummaged through her tote and showed a newly minted unicorn button. "Didn't you see?! Go to the registration booth! There are unicorn buttons there." 

Sara returned home refreshed from the conference and reinvigorated for her own work. But more importantly, she was reminded that unicorns do exist. 

So, for all our momicorns out there, here are five ways to handle mom guilt. 

• Be honest – no matter how old your kids are, explain why you must go away or miss something. Assure them it's not because you don't want to spend time with them but instead must work. 

• Think of the larger picture – Yes, we know too much screen time is a thing, and we should limit children's tablet usage. However, if you have a critical investor call and your toddler will only be quiet if Daniel Tiger is on screen, give yourself permission to think about what will help the business in the long term. 

• Get help – Many women start businesses to provide for their families. Remember why and explore ways to focus on the enterprise while your children are in good hands. Whether that means asking family members, a professional childcare provider, or a partner for assistance, your business matters - it's ok.  

• Involve your kids – To the extent that you feel comfortable, include your children in social media content, have them help package orders, tour the warehouse, etc. They need to see the hard work it takes to run a business. 

• Plan for the unexpected – This one is a challenge. Even the most well-constructed schedules can be altered in a moment with children. Do what you can to prepare before those unexpected detours. Print out multiple copies containing essential phone numbers and emergency contact information. Always have extra clothes (for mom and children) handy, charge and have backup power banks for electronics, and share your calendar with a significant other, business partner, or family member. 

Many women entrepreneurs consider their business their baby, which can present prioritization challenges with their human babies. Juggling all the items is a full-time job on top of everything else that often comes with mom's guilt, a feeling that you aren't doing enough for all the babies (human, fur, business, etc.). These feelings are common. But remember Sara's Denver experience – unicorns exist, and you, friend, are a unicorn.